Saturday, November 1, 2008

Love Dare - Day 13: Love Fights Fair

So, yesterday I FINALLY got to make my man his dinner. And he LOVED it! YAY!!!! Didn't have time to do the blueberry muffins, so this morning it is blueberry pancakes! YUMMY:)

How about you? Anyone do anything fun that they would like to share? Anyone? Bueller?

Allrighty then, on to today!!

"If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand"
- Mark 3:25

How do you and your love handle disagreements? Are there rules, either unspoken or otherwise? Well today is all about establishing those rules ... and following them.

See, in marriage, disagreement is a given. When you got married, you brought baggage. So did they. Don't feel bad, it is normal. We all did. Some of us more than others, but we all had bags. Some were little carryons that were stowed away in the overhead bin for takeoff - but even those shift during flight and are likely to come flying out when you open the bin. Others of us had those big trunks that people used to take with them on transcontinental cruises back in the day. I think Tom Hanks tied 'em together and floated to safety on them in Joe Versus The Volcano (OK, not a great movie, really not even a good movie, but the scene with him playing golf and dancing on the trunks in the middle of the ocean is a highlight for me!!!). Anyway, those bags were HUGE and full of junk. No matter how big or small, ALL of the bags have to be unpacked eventually. And that is where conflict usually starts.

And said conflict is usually what brings out the ugly side. It is when we are most stubborn, most angry, most vulnerable and most, well, LOUD!!! So, it is best to establish rules. Rules are good ... when followed.

There are two kinds of rules - the "we" rules and the "me" rules:

"We" rules may be never go to bed angry, never fight in front of others, never touch your partner in offensive ways, etc....

"Me" rules may be never bring up old hurts, listen FIRST, keep my voice down, etc...

Now, I am going to suggest two rules - ones that we have found very handy in conflicts. A "we" rule would be to never, EVER, mention (even jokingly) divorce. Never even put it into your mind. For us, divorce is not even an option, so it is get it over and move on. We are stuck together FOREVER, so we might as well make it as enjoyable as possible while we are here:) A "me" rule would be to take note of your own issues before pointing out your partners. In other words, check your own eyes for logs, before pointing out the speck in the eye of the one that you love (Matthew 7:3).

Today's Dare

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement, if your spouse is not ready for this, then write our your own rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Remember, I am praying for you. You can do this, and the end result will BLESS you both!

See ya tomorrow!

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