Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Even When It Is Tough ...

So, I have had a huge piece of Humble Pie in the last few days .... in fact, I sat down at the dessert cart with a fork in each hand and devoured the whole pie!!! Just jumped right in and stuffed myself - my own personal pity party and I was the only guest.
Sophie is 6 weeks old tomorrow and she is still having some trouble figuring out a sleeping schedule - or should I say that HER MOMMY has had some trouble trying to force a sleeping schedule upon her!!!! I have been telling myself everything from "I am doing this for Steve, so HE can sleep" to "I have a 3 year old too, so I HAVE to do this!" But the truth is that I want what I want and I want it WHEN I want it!!!! So, I started reading a book that a friend of mine gave me and was so excited to read that a pattern starts to form at around six weeks... THEN I read that it is six weeks from the DUE DATE - so I have 3 extra weeks!!!!!
Now, truthfully I have had it pretty easy. I am married to the greatest man alive who is so willing to help with every little thing that he has spent many a night in the recliner - because it so happens that Sophie's favorite place in the WORLD is in her daddy's arms. And he has let me sleep quite a bit, but still I wanted it the way I wanted it, so I whined and complained.
Then, through some other blogs that I read faithfully, I have found blogs of women who have lost children too soon or have been trying unsuccessfully to have children and are facing daily heartbreak ... enter the humility.
Here I sit with a perfect, healthy BEAUTIFUL little soul - two of them in fact! I am so completely blessed with these sweet girls and I have the audacity to complain because I have lost some sleep!!! I begged God for these children. I prayed daily for the chance to be their Mommy. And God heard my cries and He answered my prayers with two girls that he ordained plans for, bringing them to me through wombs other than my own. He healed the wound of my own infertility and gave me these blessings to have and to hold as my forever children. He gave me a glimpse of His own love for me through the love I have for them and still I complained. Could I be more humbled? I pray that I will never know.
So, now that I have tasted the stuff, I have decided to try to avoid the humble pie from now on. I want to be grateful for every moment and not let anyone - here that satan, ANYONE - rob me of the joy of loving my children. I have a chance in the middle of the night, every night, to thank God for my life... and someday soon she will sleep through the night and I will not have that time.... but I will have first thing in the morning. I pray that I can teach my girls to start each day with a grateful heart that KNOWS the power of His grace - the grace and redemption and MERCY that is new every morning!!! And I pray that I will show them every moment possible - even if it is 2am - how blessed I am that they call me Mommy.
Thanks you Father, for a new start, for Humble Pie and for Your unending mercy and forgiveness!!!!

1 of ya left some love:

The B's said...

I have often experienced what I would call "lucky me" moments. When I would meet a child that was misbehaving I would be so glad that mine were good. When I would see a disabled child I would be relieved that mine are healthy. But honey, when you're tired you're tired. Sleep when you can and be grateful for it. I know it is harder when you have another child in the house. You can't snatch as many naps. But take advantage of every quiet moment to snooze. Don't worry about cleaning the house or doing the laundry you can fit those things in when you can.
Love you,