Tuesday, June 24, 2014
How can ten years ago seem like yesterday and yet seem so far away at the same time?
My girls never met you, but when they see your picture they know it's "Auntie Paula".
I haven't seen your face in 10 years, but every once in a while I see someone I think is you and want to chase them down and hug them.
It's been 10 years since I heard your laugh, but sometimes I see, do or think of something you would think was funny and hear you giggle in my head.
You weren't there to laugh at me when we got a minivan, but as that thing seemed to fall apart around us, I used to joke that you must have been trying to tell me something...
Good news - we have a Durango now.
You have not been here to give me advice but I still ask myself "what would Paula tell me to do?" - especially in parenting.
You haven't been here to watch me grow more in love with that man of mine over the last ten years ... but since you all but threw us together - and specifically ASKED him if he wanted to be my boyfriend - I guess you knew I would all along.
Ten years ago, we sat around your bed and sang worship songs to send you into Heaven. I held your head in my arms as we sang your favorite song - The Wonderful Cross. And when we got to the line that says "the wonderful cross, bids me come and die and find that I might truly live" you took one last breath, blew it out on my cheek and you were gone.
You were Home.
And we were here without you.
And, in that moment, I praised His name because I knew that you would never hurt again.
And, I still praise Him for that. Even though your leaving meant MY pain, I praise His name because YOU are free. You were so strong through everything and your faith never once let go. You loved Him with everything you had ... and now you love Him face to face. We used to listen to I Can Only Imagine and talk about what it would be like to be in His presence ... and now you know.
And I praise Him for that.
I truly do.
And some day you and I will be up there dancing to praise jams and singing along at the top of our lungs. Just like we did here ... except now we will do it at the feet of the One we praise.
I. Can. Not. Wait.
I will see you soon my friend.
I love you.
(Here is our song ... YOUR song)