Thursday, July 31, 2008

Little Bits of Everything, A Whole Lotta Nothin'

A week from tomorrow our sweet Sophie Lee will be an official and FOREVER member of our family. She has been our child since before she was born. I can remember sitting in the office at the adoption agency, being so very nervous that the birth mom would take one look at us, change her mind and run like the wind in the opposite direction. But, instead, she walked in and it was like meeting a friend you never knew you'd always had. I immediately felt at peace and just felt God whisper to my Spirit that the baby was ours. Very much like the first time they put Hattie in my arms and I just KNEW. I felt God's promise and His peace beyond understanding both times. And at that moment, in that office, I knew she was my daughter. Kim (birthmom) handed us a portfolio of ultrasound pictures and I just knew that I was looking at a face that I would see for years to came. That I would watch grow and develop. I would hold this child when she cried, celebrate her victories with her and share her secrets. She was my daughter. I just knew.

And in a week, the world will know it too. The legal system will recognize what the Lord ordained in that room over a year ago. What I have cherished in my heart ever since. Thank You, sweet Father, for this child. Were would I be without her? Without them both? Such is the sweet gift of adoption. And motherhood.

Also - and that is the utterly genius way that I change my topics (I know, you SO wish you were me!!) - the washing machine broke AGAIN this week. Oh, I KNOW!!! So the last part we had to order had the same flaw as the original. My uber smart hubby found the flaw and fixed it on the original part and - thank you very much - we got our money back for the new one. $130.00 back!! But then it broke again. Now the rubber door liner had a rip in it. Hubby thinks that is may have been there all along and it was what was causing all of the other problems. This was the easiest fix so far, but at $119.00, it did not come cheap. But, then again, has anything lately?!?! We also took a little trip to Home Depot to see what our options are. We realized that, if we had not gotten our money back on the other part, we would have been better off buying a whole new washer. A top loader, but at this point I am so very over the whole front loader thing. I mean I want a washer like my friend Kathy likes to remind me that she has. It came from her hubby's Grandma's house and is OLDER THAN KATHY!!! And is still works like a champ. Ahhh, the good ol' days when they knew how to make stuff that lasted. Sigh.

And, in other news (that was my ultra smooth "Dan Rather" approach to the segue), I am also busily preparing for the Breast Cancer 3day in September. I tried walking the 60 miles in 2005, but I have bad tendons and only made it about 20 miles. After which many doctors have advised me that I should not try that again. So I have been crewing ever since. As a crew member I basically "work" the event. And I L.O.V.E. it!!!!

However, being knee deep in pink ribbons has, as it always does, led to many an emotional breakdown. I know people who have survived this stinking disease - my friend Alice, my sister Marla (my hero as a child and to this day) and my girlfriend Holly - who is stunningly beautiful in her newly growing back, ultra cute spiky "do". Heck, my Grandma Norma died in November at the age of 95 - of natural causes. She was a survivor too.

But my Paula did not make it. And I miss her every single day. And, man oh man, does it EVER stop hurting?
So then I am thinking about this picture:

This was taken about 7 months before Paula died. Morgan was 6 and Faith was 4. And it hit me, Hattie is 4 right now. And I cannot tell you how hard I cried.

I look at my little girl, who for the most part is fiercely independent. But in a matter of moments she can be running to me in tears because she "bonked my toe" - or head, or finger or shoulder ... (always a "bonk" though, so very cute!), needing the one thing that can make it better. A kiss from her Mommy. And I realize how much she needs me. And THIS is when Faith lost Paula.

Rip. My. Heart. Out.

And that is why I participate. Because "everyone deserves a lifetime". I am raising money for the cause. I am in no way intending to make this a shameless plug. HOWEVER, if you feel so led, there is a button on my side bar with a link to my fundraising page. Thank you very much!

Well, that is about all I got for now. But I will be posting, in the next few days, a plea for help with a church project. Stay tuned ... or, ya know, just come back then.

1 of ya left some love:

Jenn said...

I miss her with my heart...