Thursday, July 17, 2008

Beneath His Wings

This morning I was reading my Max Lucado devotional book - which, by the way, is FABULOUS!!! - and he was telling a story about being caught in a sudden storm at a picnic. They ran to the car and, as they were leaving, noticed a mama bird protecting her baby from the storm by covering him with her wing. He compared that with the way that God promises to hide us beneath the shield of His wings as we go through storms in life. Not IF we have storms, but WHEN!!!

I needed that!

And I need HIM!

Tonight Hubby and I are going to see Steven Curtis Chapman. I am beyond excited - I know that it will be amazing. This is only his third or fourth show since losing his daughter Maria so tragically a couple of months ago. I cannot IMAGINE the courage it must take to go back to the world. To sing songs written in her honor. To try to "kick it" through the fun songs and try to hold it together through the tough ones. I will simply be sitting in the audience, and am not sure I can do it!

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. Much less losing one so suddenly - without warning.
I used to wonder which would be worse - losing a loved one without the chance to say good bye, or watching them go through an extended illness. I have been in both cases - and have felt both kinds of agony. Watching Paula die was THE hardest thing I have ever done. But the honor of holding her as she walked into Heaven was beyond a Blessing. I got to tell her how much I love her and tell her what I needed her to know. I got a sense of closure and peace, knowing that she was in such a better place and that her pain was gone.
With my sweet Angie, it all happened too fast. Angie was a girl in the youth group that I helped "coach". The heart for God that beat in this girl was beyond compare. And, Honestly, I do not believe I could have loved her more if she was my very own child. She held such a special place in my heart - still does. I was honored to be the one to baptize her into the faith. And, oh my golly, her faith was strong. On March 17, 2005, Angie was in an accident that took her life. It was sudden and fierce and NOBODY got to say goodbye to her.

And I am here to tell you that THAT pain is soooooooooo much worse. Nothing prepares you for the sudden loss of someone so healthy and young. Nothing at all. It is a storm. One that we cannot protect our children from and so we must trust that the FATHER can - and will. And does.

All this to say that we are going through a storm right now - truthfully, in comparison to losing a loved one, it is more like a little sprinkle, but still. It is tough. The adoption journey was costly. And all of the expenses were out of pocket expenses, so we had to use credit cards for a great deal of other "stuff". Add to that the fact that we were trying to "get somewhere" in a business deal with some wonderful friends. Let's just say that we were not cut out for sales and so we were selling to ourselves and made some errors in judgement. All of it is stuff we will and do use, but it is now stockpiled in our basement and we can do no more. We have had to let people down and that stinks. That really stinks.

So now we are trying to find our way through this financial jungle. We are praying hard for wisdom and guidance. We want, so much for all of this to glorify HIM - and HIM alone. And, as we discussed last night, God must have something pretty big in store, because you would not believe how hard that devil dude is fighting us on this!

First of all, we had the incident where Hubby was driving down the highway and the truck in front of him suddenly started "off loading" it's cargo. All over Hubby's windshield. Into the body shop for the car and out of the pocket for the deductible.

Then I crashed the car - yep same car!!! Back into the body shop and even MORE out of the pocket!

Then our less than two year old washing machine broke. An expensive part was ordered and it was fixed. But, did I mention the part was expensive? Yeah!

Then came the storm that blew off part of our roof. More money out of pocket for the big deductible. The REALLY big deductible. And it hit us hard.

And now, the washing machine is broken AGAIN. A different part this time. A more expensive part this time.

Now, I know that God is protecting us from this storm. I am fully aware that we are under His wing. I believe with all that I am that we will get through this and, on the other side, we will get to give all of the glory to HIM. And to Him alone. And yet this storm is hard. And, at times, we are feeling lost. Lost, but never alone. Never EVER alone.

In the beginning of all of this fun-ness I was praying that God would make funds available to get me to San Antonio for the Seista Fiesta (a party for all of my Bloggy Beth Moore Friends, for all of you non siestas) and that I would get to at least be in the same room - if not get to actually MEET and HUG my BFF Beth Moore!!! Now, as much as I would LOVE to get to go, I am simply praying for a break in this storm. Hubby is feeling lost as well and will probably HATE that I am putting this out there. But we need and covet your prayers my friends. Seriously.

I honestly cannot wait to see what HE does with all of this. But I am asking you to pray that we have the strength to go the distance and that the enemy is kept at bay. We seriously need a break here. We are not asking for a windfall, just a chance to get back on our feet. And a light to find the path that He would have us follow. The path that will most be to His glory in the end.

If you stayed through this whole Post, Bless you!! And thank you in advance for your prayers.

We love you all!!!

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