H and the Big K

Yesterday was the day.

THE day.

The day my sweet little girl took a very large step.

She started Kindergarten.

And, to be truthful, I still cannot write that sentence without a lump in my throat.

It started off just a wee bit rocky, but even the "mix up" details were a Blessing for this mama's heart. See, she rides a bus, that has always been part of her routine and I am fine with that. But this was going to be a REAL bus, full of kids and just dropping her off in front of a big ol school. I gotta say, I was nervous. And I really struggled with whether or not to follow the bus and make sure she got where she was supposed to go - plus, I wanted pictures!

So, when, on the Friday before Spring Break, I still had not gotten any word on WHAT TIME that bus was going to pick her up, I called to inquire. The lady at the transportation office told me that the bus would be here by 9:25. But I KNEW that couldn't be right because Hubby and I had seen the class - in full swing - at 8:45 on our visit. I asked more questions, but she insisted that the class didn't start til 9:30. When I tried to call back to speak to a supervisor, they were closed for the break so I had to wait until yesterday. I finally got it straightened out (they had her scheduled for the wrong program and on the wrong bus ... hello! Make a mama nervous!), but it was too late for her to be picked up THAT day. Which means that I got to take her!

And I was just fine with that!!!!!

So, we loaded up the car and headed to the "big new school". You will have to take my word on this, because Hubby asked that I not publish pics of the front of the school, but it is H.U.G.E. Like, really HUGE! Two stories, ginormous cathedral ceiling in the lobby, kids EVERYWHERE, HUGE!

I have more pics than just these, but I didn't want to post pics of OTHER people's kids. I am sure you understand...

Here's how it went: We walked through the front doors with two bus loads of kids and both girls (Soph was along for the fun) just looked around in awe. Suddenly Sophie looked at me and said "MOM! I need a back pack! All the kids have a back pack!" And I realized that she thought that she was staying... uh oh.

But I wanted to focus on Hattie, so I asked her if she was OK and she smiled at me and said "this is fun!" Well, there ya go! We got to the class just as Mrs Pulk was opening the doors - perfect picture op!
Just wish I could've gotten them both to look at the camera at the same time! (Is that not the sweetest, happiest teacher face EVER?!?!?!)
She had been for a visit earlier, so she knew right where to go to find her desk and posed for a couple of pics for me. (Which, for her, is a big thing!) I thought she was starting to look a little nervous for a minute, but she composed herself and did great! When we left, we left a VERY happy girl behind.

Just wish I had taken a happy girl with me...
This is Sophie pouting because I would not let her stay.
(the jacket says it all!)

I am told she had a great day and did very well - only had one issue sitting still for reading. In her other class, they sit on chairs for stories, but in KINDERGARTEN, they sit on carpet squares!!! She will have to get used to that!

I am so stinkin proud of how far she has come - That girl is a trooper for sure!

(PS - this morning she was VERY excited to go to the new school.

And THAT tells me that she is gonna do just fine!)

Sophie's Turn

I messed up ...

I'm not proud of that fact, but, tis true.

You see, as I was editing Hattie's seven year pictures and placing them in the appropriate folders, I realized that I had never done Sophie's THREE year portraits.

Ummm ... Sophie turned three is September.

SEPTEMBER!!!!! (i am ashamed)

So, I promptly dressed my girl up and remedied the situation...

While Sweet Alexis napped, the Sophster and I took a wee walk outside.

Now, it was not the most pleasant of atmospheres ...

... as we had just had a bit of rain.

But, in the frozen tundra in March, we will TAKE the rain!!!

My sweet girl, decked out in her "colka-dots" - all the way down to her rain boots - had.a.BALL!

She danced, twirled, splashed and strolled her way even further into my heart.

(as well as the hearts of any who may have been looking out their windows, I am sure)

Because, I ask you ...

... really ...

... who could not love this face?

No, seriously ... who?

Life Support

Three and a half years ago I dressed Hattie up in her sweet little smocked dress and brown mary jane shoes and we walked her into a classroom for the very first time. She was a whopping three years old and SOOOO stinkin tiny. I watched from behind marveling at the fact that all I could see was a backpack and a pair of feet - that bag was bigger than she was. It all seemed like SO much to take in. Add to that the fact that this was also the day that Sophie was born and ... well, you get the pictures. I was a hot mess.

Two years later we finally received a diagnosis of autism and she was enrolled in the Autistic program - where she has thrived. Now she is reading, talking, communicating and doing things we wondered if she ever would. She has come so far. Some steps were agonizingly slow and painful. And yet some steps seemed to sneak up on us in leaps and bounds. As a parent I have cried tears of heartbreak watching her struggle, of pride watching her grow and of joy watching her succeed. I have said so often that she is the adventure that I never saw coming ... and it is true. I am afraid of the answer I would have given if they had asked me to adopt a special needs child in the beginning ... but, now I know that I would not trade a single moment of being her mommy for anything in this entire world. She has taught me infinitely more than I could ever begin to teach her. And I can only pray that she is half as Blessed to be a part of this family as we are to have her with us.

On Wednesday morning, my man and I walked into a new school to visit a kindergarten classroom. A classroom where, in just a couple weeks, Hattie will be taking a step toward mainstreaming into a traditional educational plan. I did not see the tears coming. I mean, the kid has been in school for three and a half years!!! They came out of nowhere. I cannot even explain to you WHY I cried. I just did. Big, huge, crocodile tears. My baby is going to school. REAL, traditional, school.

Wow.

And then this morning we walked into a conference room at that same school. I sat in that chair and looked around the room at whole slew of people. There were teachers, social workers, therapists, resource teachers ... you name it. A room full of people that were there for one purpose. To help my little girl succeed. A support system. LIFE support for my family.

Woah.

It was humbling. It was awe inspiring. It was ... well, there really are just not a lot of words for all that it meant to me. And so, of course, there were more tears. I listened to those that know her already talk to the ones who are just getting to know her. They told her what she likes, what she doesn't like, what works for her, what makes her tick and who she is. And I sat there thinking "they KNOW my child!"

Before this program, I was so very afraid of the autism diagnosis. Afraid that she would be lost in a program that serves so many children of various stages and severity of the spectrum. Afraid that she would be overlooked as the needs of the more severely affected children's needs were met. And, even more afraid that she would begin to mimic and take on the behaviors and symptoms of the other children. That she would regress farther away from us.

But, I was wrong. And I could not be happier to BE wrong.

You see, because Hattie is so high functioning, she has thrived in this program. And the teachers have all recognized her capacity to learn and have jumped right in to help her to go as far as she can. And their love and willingness to KNOW my child led us to that room this morning.

A room I never imagined myself in.

A room that I would never have signed up for.

A room full of people - some strangers to us - who have Blessed our lives in more ways than can ever be expressed.

A room that I would not trade for the world.

Hattie ... the adventure I never saw coming.

The adventure of a lifetime.

Oh, what joy.

Thank You Father, for every step on this path. Please teach me to help her through these changes and to take her where YOU have planned for her to go.

Thank You ... for the adventure.

The Seven Year Photo Shoot

With Hattie turning seven a few weeks ago, it was time for some new pics of her. I wanted more than snapshots, but snapshots are usually as good as we can get with this one. She is NOT a fan of having her picture taken ... at all.

In fact, when the camera comes out, she can usually be found running for the hills.

But, on Sunday she was looking especially cute (in her FABULOUS shirt by Melissa at MCA Designs!!! PS: her models for the Easter shirts are impossibly cute ;-P), and was in a pretty good mood, so I decided to give it a try.

I knew the window of opportunity was small, so I just stood her in front of a brick wall and started snapping. We got a LOT of this ...

... and this ...

And then I just started teasing her and joking around with her and the REAL Hattie started to come out.

I LOVE these pictures

because they really show her personality

Her FUN side

Quirky nature

Sense of humor

Sweetness
And sense of fun
In short ...

... they show Hattie.

And THAT is simply lovely.

March 8 ... Full Circle

This is a story of coming full circle ... a story that God has woven through generations of a family. A family created through blood lines and through the grace of adoption. A story of HIS love and faithfulness and timing.

His story ... that just happens to include us.

It begins on a small farm in Iowa. The land of my people :-)

On March 8, 1879 a baby girl was born. She was named Hattie May Horning. Hattie lived a long life - but a hard one. Farm life back in the day was tough. But she grew up there and then married a farmer - Charles Eli Straight. However, he was not in the best of health, so she did a good deal of the farming work, on top of bearing children, teaching school and running the house.

One of the children that she bore was Cecil Lee Straight ... known as Lee. Now, Lee grew up as a farmer and married a farmer's daughter too - Lois Alice Nickle. Lee and Lois eventually left the small Iowa farm town and moved to Colorado. And had three children in the process.

One of the children that Lois bore was Helen Jean ... known as Jeanie. Jeanie became the mother (both through birth and marriage) of six children and eventually landed in the great Southwest with her husband Alvin Harry.

One of the children that Jeanie bore was ... ME!

And, from childhood, all I ever dreamed of was becoming a wife and mama. These were the only positions that I aspired to. (Unless you count the years that I wanted to be a country music super star. but THAT is another story...) And, when I was in High School I took one of those classes where you "get married and have a family". It was then that I chose the name for my future daughter ... Hattie Grace. Grace from my daddy's mama and Hattie after my great grandmother ... that small town, Iowa farm girl, born clear back in 1879.

But marriage and motherhood were not to be ... at least not the way I planned it. I did NOT marry the boy I crushed on all through high school. I did not marry the guy that was my BFF through my Jr and Sr. years of school. And I did not meet a prince charming as I left my graduation ceremony. And, by the time I went to my ten year class reunion, I was bumming hard and it was all I could do to place my trust in His sovereignty. In fact, I hate to admit it, there were times that I doubted and was angry. But, for the most part - and more and more through the years - I believed that He would provide.

When I turned thirty years old I began to pray for Him to take the desire away ... IF it was not to be. I even told myself - and anyone who would listen - that I did NOT have the desire. I lied. And, eventually, because He did not take away that desire, I began to trust and claim the promise that I WOULD have my Hattie Grace. But, that was ALSO the time in which my health issues began. Issues that would determine whether or not I could bear a child. And, within two years, it became increasingly - and then undoubtedly - clear that I would NOT bear a child.

Please note that I did not say I wouldn't HAVE a child ... just that I would not BEAR a child. This is a GINORMOUS statement. One that I did not understand for quite a while myself.

So, I had a little chat with God and let Him know that I still trusted HIM for her.

At thirty two years old, the health issues had reached a climactic point and a choice was set before me. It had become evident that the various surgeries, procedures and medications that I had spent two years trying, in an attempt to save my ability to BEAR a child, had not been effective. And, not only were they ineffective in their intended purpose, but they had served to make the "issue" worse. Basically leaving me sick and tired and ... barren.

Ouch.

And, yet, that desire was still there.

And I had a little chat with God and told Him that I trusted HIM for her.

So, it was with great turmoil, and even greater trust, that I made the choice to have THE surgery. The one I had avoided for so long. The one that would make my dream MY way an absolute impossibility. I took that step knowing that HE was bigger than my broken "parts" and knowing that HE was faithful to fulfill every promise that He has EVER made.

Even mine.

At the age of thirty four, part one of my dream came true ... when I married the man of my dreams. And, together we began to work toward the dream of parenthood. He had two children from a previous marriage, and I DO love those boys as my own, but they were all but grown when I got here. And, well, Hubby wanted more kids and I wanted babies, so ...

We became foster parents in 2004. Now, I knew that children would be coming and going through our house. I also knew that I was still trusting God for my Hattie Grace. I did not just want to give the name away, I wanted to KNOW who to give the name to. I wanted to know who was MY daughter. And, so, I told God that HE would have to tell me when it was her.

And I trusted.

On August 16, 2004 we met with a family whose 16 year old daughter had run away - leaving her infant baby behind. They were looking for someone to adopt that baby. And, there in the mall food court they placed that baby in my arms. And, there in that mall food court, I heard the Spirit of God whisper into my heart "THIS is your Hattie Grace".

And I cried.

To make the story more interesting, legal issues came up and we had to walk away from that sweet baby girl. For a while. Nearly three months.

But God.

It was on an October afternoon that I got the call that Baby I (original birth name omitted) had been taken into state custody. Thus began a series of God orchestrated phone calls and circumstances in which people, who were not supposed to tell me a thing, basically spilled the whole story. And, within hours, we knew that she would be coming to live with US.

We had to wait through the weekend, but on Nov. 2, 2004 she came. A car pulled up in front of our house and that sweet, beautiful state worker handed us a baby girl ... THE baby girl. Our Hattie Grace.

Now, it was not easy - her mother came back into the picture, the family got ugly and threatening, and it took over 18months, but eventually, the state severed the rights of her biological family and the process of making her our child LEGALLY began.

We knew that the process could take a very long time. But there were circumstances - one of which was our oldest son preparing to join the National Guard - that led us to ask for the process to be expedited. And, so it happened that, what should have taken MONTHS, ended up happening in weeks and we were called one day with the our adoption date.

And that date was, to this war torn heart, a healing balm. And proof that He is faithful.

Faithful indeed. In all things.

And, on March 8, 2006 ... 127 years, to the day, after the birth of Hattie May Horning ... Baby I became Hattie Grace B.

And God brought the dreams and love of a family full circle.

Because He is Just.THAT.Good.

Amen.

Project 365 - Weeks 8, 9 and 10

Yeah ... I have some catching up to do. So I'm just gonna jump on in here!!!

Thank you Sara for hosting!!!! You ROCK!

Monday - Sisters!

Tuesday - Daniel - We are doing the Beth Moore's study at church and it is rocking.my.world!

Wednesday - I was all ready for bed when I remembered to take a pic.

(SOMEONE needs a pedicure!!!)

Thursday - Migraine - Hubby gave me an AMAZING back massage with this little thing. I love that man!

Friday - LOTS of laundry! And, this is where I notice that the last few pictures have been taken with my comforter as the backdrop.

Note to self: take the camera OUT of the bedroom!

Saturday - The groundhog lied!!!

And, so did Al Gore.

Sunday - Bed time stories. I LOVE this time of day. (especially when Hubby adds his voices and commentary!)

Monday - Our Memory Verses!! Even my girls are learning some verses. I LOVE that!

Tuesday ... I got nothin. Oops.

Wednesday - Birthday Prep time! Little did we know ...

Thursday - ... she would wake up sick. Poor thing.

Friday - This was all she did all day long. Breaks my heart.

Saturday - Poor Ken. He must have had a rough day ... he needed a LOT of caffeine!

Sunday - PARTY!!! She felt good enough to celebrate ... so, we did!

Monday - 30 Day Shred ... ouch.

Tuesday - She let me braid her hair ... it was SOOOOO cute.

And, just in case you were wondering ...
... she's got her pants on backwards.

I have no words.

Wednesday - But I remembered to take a picture!!!

Thursday - She is an artist!

Friday - I heard her awake up there, but she never came down. So, I snuck up the stairs and found this. I LOVE that she is developing a love for books.

Saturday - started off warm-ish and rainy. Then it turned to snow.

Dear Spring, We are WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

So ... how was YOUR week?